Tukang Tambal Ban

Dia itu, andai kehidupannya diumpamakan sebuah mobil, trus pacar-pacarnya adalah roda mobil itu, trus selingkuhan-selingkuhan dan semua one-night-stand-nya adalah ban serepnya, maka saya adalah tukang tambal ban-nya!
~me

Diucapkan tahun lalu (lupa tepatnya) pada beberapa brothers, waktu mereka menanyakan hubungan saya dengan seorang cewek teman kampus –sebut saja Heather– yang ngambang (menurut mereka) dan merugikan saya. Tentu saja, semua tertawa ngakak.

Heather itu, gadis cantik dengan rambut panjang berombak, kecil (sebibir saya tingginya) dan sexy, dengan gaya hidup metro, dan jago menyanyi.

Heather itu, dulunya dekat sekali dengan saya; tapi tidak pernah mencintai atau dicintai saya. Tentu saja, tidak pernah ada komitmen dengan saya. Sahabat-sahabat tahu kalo saya dan dia cuma temenan, tapi teman-teman kadang berkelakar kalo dia cewek saya.

Heather itu, pasien tetap konseling saya selama bertahun-tahun. Masalah-masalahnya mirip, hanya selalu berulang dengan cowok-cowok yang berbeda. Kadang saya yang turun tangan langsung menyelesaikan; seperti waktu dia diancam cewek yang tanpa diketahui sebelumnya ternyata istri dari pria-yang-baru-saja-one night stand dengannya.

She

She

Bart F.H. Simpson

This was supposed to be a simple story
of a simple fellow named Larry.
_______Who loved so dearly pretty Heather,
_______hoped to live “happily ever after”,
but ended shitty as she married Gary.

At first he thought she was the one,
while she thought he was just for fun.
_______To him she was a grace, she was grand.
_______To her he was a mere one-night-stand,
a daily usual hit-and-run.

It only took her seven days straight.
To find out Larry was no dream date.
_______Since it seemed to her so awfully bizarre,
_______to date someone who didn’t even have a car,
She couldn’t wait to kick him off the gate.

She looked at Larry right through the eye,
Said, “nice knowin’ ya. We’re through. Bye”.
_______then off she went in her slim bikini,
_______as GARY was waiting in his Lamborghini,
with Larry still there, standing right by.

Larry was still in dumb confusion,
when she sent in an invitation.
_______He just gazed at that piece of paper,
_______on which was written ‘Gary and Heather’.
wishing it was just an illusion.

This was supposed to end so sadly,
when Larry found love ain’t so lovely.
_______But he knew it was best for Heather,
_______Having chosen the highest bidder,
_______at least SHE ended happiest ever,
and as for the story, it ended SIMPLY.